Let Me Sign
by tearysilver
Summary: A day in the woods, turned into the the first day of the rest of my life.
1. Beginning

**"No one is safe. Especially you."**

* * *

><p>The beginning of my life<p>

was on a saturday.

My mother would call me her little party girl

because I was delivered at a late night saturday party

she was at, doped up and on display.

It wasn't her fault, really.

Being on drugs.

It was more of my fathers fault.

Steven.

He pressured her into it,

at such a young age.

Made her feel loved,

when she would shoot up.

That's what I was told by my

aunt Cindy,

atleast.

Mom's name is Alice.

She's got the most beautiful dark brown hair

that stretches to her waist.

Alabaster skin that shines in the moonlight.

Bright blue eyes.

The most gorgeous woman alive, I think.

It's her actions that make her hideous to me.

Sometimes, if mom needed money,

She'd dress so beautiful, and go out late at night,

to come home with a man, wrapped tightly around her waist.

Steven would look at them, nod, and send them on their way

to his and mom's bedroom.

I didn't know what mom would do with these different men

until I turned thirteen,

and learned that she did it not only for money,

but for daddy.

He wanted her to do such horrible things,

so he could have something against her,

when it came time to split the money she would be

making.

Steven let the men that mom brought home

into my bedroom sometimes.

One man in particular,

I wish I would have known back then.

He was tall and pale,

Deep black eyes and silky black hair that

fell perfectly in place over his face.

He was gorgeous to me,

but disgusting at the same time.

I never wanted to have anything to do

with the men she would bring home.

He sat on my bed next to me,

while I curled up in a ball against the wall.

He didn't say anything at first.

Just stared at my face and smiled

a heavenly smile.

He crawled closer to me, and

rubbed his thumb against my cheek.

I felt the tears flow down my face,

awaiting for him to just turn into a monster like

the other men did.

For him to just take me by suprise and cloak me in a

shadow of pain and sweat and darkness.

I await, but it doesn't come.

He leans closer and kisses my mouth,

telling me it would all be okay one day.

Then, he gets up,

walks out of my door,

and leaves.


	2. Weaknesses

**"If I stay, Youre going to die."**

**"If you leave, I'm going to die."**

* * *

><p>I learned I have many weaknesses<p>

while I grew up with Mom and Steven.

I learned that I'm not pretty.

I learned that I'm too thin.

I learned that I'm lazy.

I learned that I don't run fast enough

to get out of Steven grasp and

painful blows.

But the biggest weakness I learned that I could

possibly have,

Is that I look too much like Mom.

One day, I'm watching the rain hit the kitchen window,

dark rainclouds swallowing up the sky

and making me feel better after a week

of men in both mine and Mom's bedroom

when Steven slams open the front door.

At first, I am not scared.

He does that alot,

for reason I'm never quite sure of.

He slinks up behind me,

smelling of rain,

dirt,

and alcohol.

I turn to face him, to ask him what he needed,

when his mouth meets mine.

It's soft at first,

but soon turns hungry, desperate

for affection.

His tongue slides in my mouth and I begin

to cry. I never wanted my father,

my daddy,

to be another bedroom man.

I sob into his mouth and soon, he sobs into mine.

He holds me close, begging me to forgive him,

to please forgive him for everything he's done.

I rock him back and forth

and tell him everythings okay.

He whispers Mom's name in my ear,

and that's when I realize,

he thinks I'm Mom.

My body slinks to the kitchen floor and he

goes down with me,

saying he's sorry for getting her pregnant

with me.

For burdening her.

My biggest weakness,

is that I look too much like the mother

who thinks her only child,

who she delivered at a meth circle,

is the burden to her life.


	3. The Woods

**"You just don't listen, do you, Amy?"**

**"I only listen to two things. The rain and your heartbeat."**

* * *

><p>The woods by my house<p>

are moss covered and filled with dead trees

and smell of pine and death.

That is where I go when I run away from Steven

and the men Mom keeps around.

There's a spot in particular that I for

some strange reason, trust with my life.

Its a big clearing, with a small creak, lush green

grass and pretty daisies everywhere I look.

The only alive place in the entire woods,

and I get to call it a second home.

I lay there, letting the sun burn my face

and tan too pale chalky flesh.

Sometimes, I imagine that I'm a normal

fifteen year old girl.

With normal parents who didn't do

drugs, or let men sexually abuse their teenage

daughter down the hall.

Sometimes, I just sit there and watch the creek,

and look up at the sky and wonder what

it would be like to fly.

But most of the time,

I cry and beg that something will just kill me.

I know that I couldn't possibly die soon.

I scream up to the sky and just cry

and wait for something to strike me,

wait for someone to love me enough to just

end me and let me be happy.

I sat there, on my knees,

with tears on my cheeks,

and a raw and bloody throat.

I would just curl up in a ball and breathe for hours without moving

without thinking.

Then, when I could no longer see my hand

infront of my face,

I'd kiss the ground, and walk back to my reality.

And hope that maybe tomorrow,

I'll get my wish.


	4. The Man

**"Why do you do this to yourself?"**

**"Because I know that when I'm dying, I can look back at this and smile."**

* * *

><p>Mom brang home the same man for<p>

two weeks.

The man who looked about eighteen,

with pale skin,

black eyes and black hair.

Mom said he was emotional.

She liked that about him, I guess.

As soon as she was doped up and out for the night,

Steven escorted the man to my room,

for his second round.

Most of the time, he would just sit and stare at me, studying me

for hours, then he'd get up,

and leave.

That's what scared me the most.

He never striked.

He never made a move.

I guess I was so scared, so expectant for his move,

that I made my own.

He sat next to me on my bed,

staring into my blue eyes,

faces only inches apart.

It was something I took comfort in.

The fact that he could be so close,

and yet, in his mind he seemed so

far away.

I felt so strangely safe and secure with this man

who only seemed a few years older than me.

I leaned into him, pressing our lips together just

the slightest bit.

I felt the butterflies in my stomach

churn and flap excitedly.

He presses abit harder, seeming to

finally melt away and accept me.

I feel my back touch my bed,

feel his hand in my hair,

and for once,

everything felt so...

right.

But soon, he snaps up,

and pulls away.

Soon, too soon

he is gone,

and I feel that empty feeling

hit my heart.

Soon, too soon,

the man,

is gone.


	5. Moonlight

**"I feel like I've known you forever."**

**"Forever, is an awfully long time."**

* * *

><p>The best part of having doped out parents,<p>

is that when they're too high to notice,

I can sneak out and stare at the moon.

I go onto my roof with a blanket and

hot chocolate, and just watch it.

It's so nice to think that there is some

beauty in this world of filth I live in.

One night, I am climbing up, when I see a shadow,

sitting in my place,

already starring up at the full mars moon.

I see its him,

The Man,

so I keep climbing up, and sit next to him.

He doesn't notice me,

just stares up at the light,

knees to chest, black eyes

a million miles away.

I lay my head on his shoulder, arms intertwined,

his body heat warming me quickly. I feel him stroke my hair,

his hand on the small of my back. Soon, I'm laying on him,

halfway asleep, when he utters a single word.

"Beautiful." I look up at him with sleepy eyes and see him

staring down at me. He's not seeing me,

staring past me is more of the feeling.

Staring past my eyes, into something deeper,

something that makes him want to speak.

I close my eyes and fall asleep,

the feel of his body heat making me sweat,

until morning comes,

and I see that I'm all alone,

the feel of his hand still lingering.


	6. Damned

**"Don't ever leave my side."**

**"If you promise to not leave mine."**

* * *

><p>Steven always said I was damned.<p>

A damned mistake,

a damned slut,

a damned ugly bitch.

Sometimes, to prove his point,

he'd make me show him just how damned I was.

Steven loved pictures.

He loved them especially when I looked defensless

and scared.

Defenseless and

naked.

He'd lock me in his room for awhile,

making me get undressed and then

he'd invite over some of Mom's more

violent men for a few days with me.

He'd break me those days,

and when it was all finally over,

he'd come in and kiss me and say

how it was his turn to love me.

To love me like he loved Mom.

He didn't love her.

At all.

Then, he would leave me bleeding on

the floor, laughing and smoking a ciggarette,

putting it out on my arm when he was through.

And I'd curl up in a ball,

and hope that,

if they couldn't kill me,

they would atleast kill him.


	7. Broken Trees

**"What did you do?"**

**"Why didn't you stop me?"**

* * *

><p>Theres a big, twisted and broken tree<p>

I found by my second home.

It's big and deep red and shaped like

a clawed hand.

I call it the Devil's Hand.

I sit at the base and just sleep sometimes.

It brings me comfort, knowing that

I could imagine that this could lead me to death.

I feel a presence behind me and I turn to see

The Man standing awkwardly infront of me.

He looks like he wants to speak, but just can't.

I walk up to him and grab his hand,

leading him back to the base with me.

He wraps his arms around my waist, keeping me warm

in already hot weather. No one speaks,

just lays there, until he looks down at me and

says, "You don't deserve this."

His voice scares me,

for reasons unknown.

It's deep and smooth and lazy,

making me want to sleep and stay awake at the same time.

but there's something at the edge of his words,

something I can't grasp, that makes me

more afraid of the two monsters living at home.

I shake off my chills and snuggle closer.

He grabs my chin and lifts my head up,

giving me a soft kiss. It deepens,

leaving me feeling empty when he pulls away.

"You don't deserve this, Amy."


	8. Saviour

**"You saved me."**

**"You saved yourself."**

* * *

><p>He saved me today.<p>

From my parents,

from myself,

I'll never be sure.

But he saved me.

I'm sitting in my room, reading a book he had

given me, about a boy who fell for a girl

who had home problems,

when they both bursted into my room, drunk and high,

waving around Mom's carving knife.

Mom grabs my arms, holding me hostage

while Dad begins to fake stab me.

I'm scared, so scared, I beg them to please just leave.

Mom laughs, Dad smirks, dragging the blade down my long sleeve grey

t-shirt.

It cuts at the chest, exposing my bra slightly.

Mom momentarily makes the hole bigger,

tearing at the fabric. I feel my heart race,

my tears flow, my sobs echo and vibrate the house.

Dad take the knife firmly in his hand,

pulling back,

and I know he's going to stab me.

To end me.

I close my eyes and wince, awaiting the pain.

But it doesn't come. I can hear Mom screaming,

a terrible squishing noise,

and a loud thump.

Mom's released me and I run for the door, stepping in something dark red

and wet on the carpet. I look back and see The Man standing over Daddy,

Blood on his own carving knife, Daddy bleeding from his stomach,

Mom rocking him back and forth, sobbing.

The Man gestures me to leave, and soon,

I can't hear my mom anymore.

I can't hear anyone,

anymore.


	9. Let Me Sign

**"Does this mean I'm free?"**

**"Only if you want to be."**

* * *

><p>I learned that he killed mom, too.<p>

She tried to choke him, tried to

end him.

So he stabbed her in the stomach,

and watched her bleed to death.

He said he only ever came home with her,

because he knew who I was,

and knew what was happening.

I learned that his name was Skyler.

I learned that he only lived next door,

with his mom and dad,

and he watched me run out,

crying,

with ciggarette burns trailing my arms,

and the smell of sex roaming behind me and father,

as he raced to get me.

He said he always wanted to just come and

take me away,

but was never sure how to.

Until he met Mom and came home with her.

He was so happy to see me,

but hated how he had to.

He didn't want us meeting to depend on him

raping me.

He was blood soaked when he came after me,

in the meadow.

I was scared that he would kill me,

too.

So, I ran up to him and hugged him.

He smelled like the rust that would

show up on my old red wagon,

I had when I was four,

and the table salt in my kitchen.

He dropped the knife on one of the

tallest dasies, smearing it with blood,

and hugged me back.

Mom and Dad's blood stained my face, my shorts,

my shirt and my skin,

but I couldn't care.

I could hear myself sobbing into his chest,

as he smoothed down my dark hair,

with a blooded covered hand.

He told me it was okay,

that I shouldn't be afraid anymore.

And I wasn't.

Because he told me,

I wasn't afraid.

Anymore.


End file.
